...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
