I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".