In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"