did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!