I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015