just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea