Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
