I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
