My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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