I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
