I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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