It's Friday. Sex?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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