You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
