Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
