Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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