Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
