Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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