Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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