when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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