there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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