would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
