Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
