about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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