I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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