he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
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just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.