I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"