Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you