I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.