I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.