I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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