im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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