I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
