even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
