Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
