Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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