I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
