dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
