My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
