every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
