I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize