the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
