life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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