i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry about my life...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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