Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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