So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
