Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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