If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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