My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
