I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
