dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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