I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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