so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
