cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
