the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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