My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
