I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
