So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
