But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
