I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
