just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
