he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
