god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
