He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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