did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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