So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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