i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
