Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
